Make the room work for you

Week 15: Positive reframing

I have been DEEP in this accelerator, and the past two weeks we’ve been pitching to real investors, not just the other founders in the accelerator, so ya, it’s been a grind. That kind of intensity doesn’t leave a lot of room for reflection, so something had to give, and this newsletter was it.

That layered with other work stuff, so I just didn’t have a second to gather my thoughts and focus in on this. But I’m back, and I have a full backlog of updates to share with you. This week though, I want to zoom in on one specific moment from an event I went to on Thursday, because I think it’s an experience a lot of founders will recognize.

When you go to networking events or social mixers, you don’t usually know what you’re going to get out of it. Sometimes it’s a hit, and sometimes it feels like a huge miss, genuinely like a waste of time you could have spent on something more appealing.

I walked into an investors and founders mixer thinking I was walking into a room that was a good mix of men and women. Partly because of where it was taking place, a female-only members club I’d been to many times before. I had an assumption of what I was walking into.

I walked in ten minutes after the event start time and found myself in a room full of men in shirts and suits. And honestly, most of them were nerds, if I might add. So my immediate reaction was, oh god, why the hell am I here? Was this a total waste of time?

I think this experience is one that a lot of us go through, and I’ll speak for myself as a female founder. Yes, walking into a networking event, or frankly any social event, is intimidating as is (unless you’re a hyper extroverted individual). But walking into a room of people who, almost certainly, don’t understand the product you’re building because it’s in fashion tech, AND have never thought about building in your sector, AND are not your ideal customer, is super fricken daunting. And frankly, my default assumption was, well, that it was gonna be a waste of time.

I came into that event with the intention of talking to angel investors. And even though I felt pretty deflated at first glance, not knowing if there was going to be any value for me in that room, I took myself to the bathroom, gave myself a little pep talk, and reframed the situation, deciding to use the space to my best advantage.

What did I do? Well, the event was hosted by an angel syndicate, which meant the people actually running it had to be mixed in among the crowd. So, I asked one of the people at the front who scanned my ticket, who was running the event. Then I made my way directly to that person, because they were the one who actually knew who was in the room and could give me a pretty good indication of whether I’d get any value out of being there.

Fortunately, I hit a bullseye. Turns out that conversation was incredibly valuable, worth every minute of the one-hour commute and the time spent there. I did end up chatting with a few other people in the room too, who, despite not being investors, were other founders who shared some interesting insights and convos on their own founder journeys.

A few takeaways I had:

1. Discomfort is growth. Walking into a room where you feel completely unaligned with everyone in it is uncomfortable, and that’s normal, not a sign you don’t belong there.

2. Reframe before you spiral. If you can catch yourself before you get overwhelmed or demotivated, you give yourself the best shot at a good outcome. A bathroom break, a pep talk, and a recalibration are part of the process, not a detour from it.

3. Remember your purpose. You showed up with an intention, whether that’s talking to investors, finding your people, or something else. A room that doesn’t match your expectations doesn’t erase that intention.

4. Go straight to the source. If an event has organisers or hosts mixed into the crowd, find out who they are and go talk to them directly. They’re the ones who can actually tell you if the room has anything for you.

5. If you’re the only woman in the room, own it. All eyes on you, so take advantage. You might stand out, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. More attention on you, means more opportunity for you to be heard.

A Final Note

The uncomfortable part is real, being in a room full of people you don’t feel aligned with is one thing. But the other thing is you got yourself there with a purpose, and the work is figuring out how to make the most of the situation in front of you, not the one you expected to walk into.

If this kind of reframing doesn’t come naturally to you yet, check out The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday. It’s built entirely around the idea that whatever is standing in your way can become the way forward, if you’re willing to shift how you’re looking at it. It’s not a founder book per se, but it might as well be. He’s a fantastic author and has a few best-sellers I’ve found to be highly valuable reads.

xx KP